Update 2 -1.27.08

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwww... that's the sound of my sigh of relief.

Rewind to earlier this afternoon: I had just gotten home from the gym and was getting cleaned up for the date with Casey when my phone rang. I was hoping it was one of my girlfriends, but my stomach immediately sunk when I saw that it was him calling. I just didn't feel like talking to talk to him, so I let it go to voicemail (sign #s 699 and 700 that I'm not that into him - stomach dropping when he calls and call screening).

I listened to his voicemail, fully expecting it to be a message confirming our plans for the evening. But in a fortuitous twist of events, he needed to cancel for tonight because he was working on some reports for his job. I could hear the disappointment in his voice, which made me feel so guilty for feeling a sense of relief. He said that he hoped we could reschedule for this week.

Knowing that I have plans every night this week, and knowing I wasn't feeling "it" anymore, I took this as a sign that this was the time to be honest. After verbally processing my "speech" to several friends (thanks ladies!), I called him.

We small-talked for a bit and finally the subject of rescheduling our date came up. I took the opportunity to tell him that our discussion Friday night got me thinking that the connection I feel to him is more friendly than romantic. He was silent as I fumbled over my words, and he ended the conversation nearly as soon as I was finished, saying that he needed to get back to his work. It was awkward and rushed, and his feelings were obviously hurt and I felt like a big jerk.

But as soon as the conversation ended, after the panic cleared from my room, I felt relieved, less stressed and able to exhale.

It's refreshing to know that there really are good guys out there like Casey. But if I don't feel the chemistry, I'm not going to waste both of our time trying to create something that isn't there. There's someone great out there for him, it's just not me. And there's someone great out there for me, it's just not him.

So the search continues... it's time to revamp my efforts on finding Mr. Right.