A new year, a new beginning

The rest of 2009 was a wild ride and dating wasn't a priority amidst all the other happenings in my personal life. From time to time, I would worry about how I was ever going to meet someone but deep down, I knew my heart wasn't ready. I had a lot of walls up and still thought of Mark, the good times we had together and what went wrong, way too often. Thankfully, and finally, I'm in a good place with regard to that relationship coming to an end. I can't believe it took nearly a year to get here, but I finally made it. :)
Things with Eric didn't pan out last spring, just as they didn't pan out numerous times in the last 16 years (a sign perhaps ;-) ). I couldn't get past the fact that he smokes (ew) and the chemistry that we had in my teens and early 20s just didn't seem to be there anymore. Things fizzled out and we exchanged a few friendly emails and hung out once in October, but it was strictly as friends and I think we're both OK with that.
Along the way, I've been back and forth about the whole concept of online dating. It is not something I really want to do, but I don't see any other options for meeting someone right now. I am so blessed to have the most wonderful group of friends - but none of them knows of anyone to introduce me to. I'm not big into the bar scene anymore, my gym is full of gay men and older married guys and the Office Hottie is off-limits (I work in a small office and based on what I know about his ex, I'm not his type).
So given all of this, a couple of weeks ago I started updating my online profile - adding new information and current pictures. I didn't set it to "live" because again, I wasn't digging the fact that I had to resort to online dating yet again. I waffled back and forth for about two weeks until this past week I decided that this was really the best option for getting back "out there."
Maybe I'm reading too much into things, but I've always been a believer in "signs." I think I was shown several big signs to set my profile "live" over the last few days. First of all, I refused to pay full price for the online membership. I woke up on Saturday morning with a discount code in my email Inbox from the site. Secondly, money is a little tight right now and I don't get paid 'til next Friday and the newly sent discount code expires mid-week. I did not want to charge the membership to my MasterCard, so I was continuing to waffle back and forth about joining again. Then, yesterday I logged into my bank account and BOOM! My tax refund had been deposited. Suddenly, I could easily pay the fee and, thanks to the discount code, it was the amount I was willing to pay. So... I hit submit and the adventure begins again.
I feel hopeful and optimistic, yet a bit guarded as I take these first steps in putting myself "out there" again. There are so many relationships in my life that I admire and want to emulate. I look at them and think "I want what they have!" Hopefully, this will experience will bring me closer to that and if not, it will bring more great stories to share!!