Update-2.19.08

HOLY CRAP!!
It figures, it absolutely, totally figures!! GET THIS: Tonight, I cancelled my membership and automatic renewal for the dating site. I've been unimpressed with the matches and figured I'd join up again when the weather turns warm and people are out and about and thinking about dating. Until my membership expires on February 25, I will still receive matches and can communicate with them. Well, I was all ready to say "sayonara dating site" until about 25 minutes ago. I got an email notification that I had a new match. His name, Mark, age 33 and living in my same city. My stomach immediately dropped - could it possibly be??? No way - there was just no way! I scanned his profile summary and more butterflies moved into my stomach - there were too many similarities for it NOT to be him. The profile summary didn't show his photo, so I logged into the site in record time in order to see if this really was happening. I soon had my answer - it, without a doubt, totally was him.

Nay, Who the heck is "him?" I'll try to keep this brief: I met Mark in October of 2004 through another popular dating site. He had just moved to town earlier that year and had told me that he hadn't seriously dated anyone since he arrived. We had the most unbelievable chemistry and the first time we spoke on the phone it was for five (yes, five!) hours. The very next day we met for coffee, which turned into drinks, which turned into dinner. Before I knew it, I was a smitten kitten, things were progressing nicely, and we'd both taken our profiles off the dating site. For New Years Mark went to New Orleans with friends and called me hourly to tell me he was thinking of me. I felt like I'd won the lottery - I was so happy. I picked him up at the airport the next day and we had a great evening together. Then he called two days later and told me (OVER THE PHONE - which he admitted was a cowardly thing to do) that he couldn't see me anymore, that a woman he dated when he first moved down here had moved back to town and he wanted to give things a shot with her. I was devastated - my heart was beyond broken.

The only silver lining to the whole thing was that I lost about 10 lbs in 2 weeks. :) Anyway, I ended up seeing his profile posted back on the same dating Web site several weeks later. I haven't had any communication with him since a final email I sent to him a week after that heartbreaking phone call. He emailed me nine months later and was asking how I was doing, and I deleted it, as I was happily dating my most recent ex.

I've speculated a million times over what he lied to me about: 1) that he dated someone seriously or 2)that this woman ever even existed and he needed an "out" (odds were very good that he was going to be transferred to Seattle for his job).

So I read his profile and looked at his photos and he doesn't seem to have changed a bit. He still has an unbelievable smile that makes his eyes sparkle, and his body is still in fantastic shape from running marathons. The statements in his profile make me miss him and what we had together, and then I find that I'm angry with myself for not being like "screw you, ahole!" and closing him.

But the irony of all this is NOT lost on me: the fact that I had just closed my account tonight, that I've been thinking of him a lot lately (yes, I will even admit to a single instance of a "drive by" the week of my birthday - I was curious to see if he still lived in the same house) including earlier tonight, when I first got home from the gym (before I'd even closed my account). I'm stunned. That's the only way to describe what I'm feeling.

I haven't responded to his request to communicate yet. I need to give it a day or so to sink in. Also, I'm finally having drinks with Brian (friend of coworker) tomorrow night. I'm really looking forward to it - we've been trying to get together since DECEMBER. This is long overdue.

So, my friends, toss your comments and advice my way. Those who knew me back when the Mark thing happened will surely be floored and likely be anxious to share their $0.02. My mom was speechless (which, if you know her, is monumental). I'll write again soon with an update on my date with Brian.